to the very day...

There are certain verses in the Bible that strike me more than others. Some are just the way they are worded and some hold deeper meaning for me. Five people can read the same passage and get five different meanings from what is being written.
Sometimes there are verses that are a bit obscure, unless it speaks to you in a moment, you will probably read over it and miss it. I love finding verses like that. There is one particular verse that is small, but holds great depths of meaning to me: Exodus 12:40-41 NIV
"Now the length of time the Israelite people lived in Egypt was 430 years. At the end of the 430 years, to the very day, all the Lord's divisions left Egypt."

To the very day. I take that very literally. I'm guessing to the day Joseph arrived in Egypt then 430 years later to the day God Exodused them out. Not 430 years and a handful of months, but to the very day.

The reason i find that to be so profound, is that it just shows how perfectly God moves in orchestrating his plans. He is always at work, always working behind the scenes. Even when you think he is far away, he is still at work. And he cares about the details. All those little details that had to happen in order for it to be 430 years to the very day. Joseph's arrival, his brothers and father's arrival, the growing of the Israeli population, Moses's birth, being saved on the Nile River, fleeing Egypt, living in the dessert, burning bushes, bad Pharaoh, plagues, passover... all leading up to an exodus that took ALL of the Lord's people out of Egypt 430 years later to the very day.
The New King James version says, even the selfsame day it came to pass. Since i am not always up on my King James language, I didn't know what "selfsame" meant, so i looked it up:
"being the very same; identical."
So basically on the identical day he brought the Israelites to Egypt, he brought them out.

And its funny that I worry that he isn't always able to work those seemingly minor details out in my own life.
God is not one to be trifled with... when he says to the very day, he means, to the very day.
I'm glad God doesn't forget to add those little details to the Bible. But then again, God is always in the details, big or small, he is there. Even in my details.

Remember Surrender

There is a Sara Groves song called Remember Surrender:

"Remember surrender Remember relief

Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks

As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in."
I have lived in that moment of surrender and I have promised to remember it, but I forget it too. When there is happiness and joy, the moments that were bad slip away. Which is a good thing... But its good to look back and remember. Remember the pain of deep heartbreak, then being pummeled like a wave crashing down on me with fear and sadness. I want to forget, but I also think it's good to remember too. I don't think God wants us to live in our past, but I don't think he wants us to forget those moments of his care, provision and healing.
Haggai 2:15-19
15 " 'Now give careful thought to this from this day on —consider how things were before one stone was laid on another in the LORD's temple. 16 When anyone came to a heap of twenty measures, there were only ten. When anyone went to a wine vat to draw fifty measures, there were only twenty. 17 I struck all the work of your hands with blight, mildew and hail, yet you did not turn to me,' declares the LORD. 18 'From this day on, from this twenty-fourth day of the ninth month, give careful thought to the day when the foundation of the LORD's temple was laid. Give careful thought: 19 Is there yet any seed left in the barn? Until now, the vine and the fig tree, the pomegranate and the olive tree have not borne fruit.
" 'From this day on I will bless you.' "

This is a remembrance, remember when things really sucked, remember how horrible life was, how painful every breath was, remember how you went for this much and only got that much. Then God says, from this point on, I am going to bless you. You remember those painful moments, you remember when I came through. You keep going on, and remember how I brought you through before and therefore I am going to bless you by bringing you through again and again. Even if it gets really bad, even if it rains pain over your head again, you remember, remember surrender, don't forget... and I will still be there. Jehovah-Shammah.

The Proverbial Anvil

You know that one cartoon with the coyote and the road runner? And right when things are going well for the coyote a big anvil falls on his head... I often feel that way, especially when things are going well. Typically when things are going horribly wrong in life, I'm "in it" and so bad things are apart of everyday life, you learn to deal. But what happens when things are actually going right for a change? Sometimes I feel like God is up there, just letting me get a taste of something good, but then he is going to drop a bomb on me. Where do i get that thinking? I try to believe that I worship a God who is loving and compassionate and although just, he is also full of mercy. So where do i get this idea that he is just waiting to do mean and horrible things to me? Unfortunately, I have been stuck in this kind of thinking for awhile. I do know that sometimes bad things happen, sometimes they even happen to people who are good. Sometimes bad things happen, just because and sometimes bad things happen to serve a purpose. But who says that God is a cruel tyrant just waiting to crush his next victim? I don't know that I've ever read that in the Bible, but yet that is often what I believe. It almost makes me feel better when something does go wrong, that way i can say, ok, bad thing #42 happened, cross that off my list, no more punishments for the day. Why do i always think I'm about to be punished for something? Or is it the natural consequences for making bad choices that one feels a punishment is in order? Good grief, its all so mind boggling.
I really do relish the moments when i can sit back and say, God, I know you love me. Period. No rationalizing, no trying to figure it all out, or make sense of it. Just plain ol' I accept your love in this moment.
I wonder if I will ever really reach a place when i can live my life not in fear of God's wrath but complete in his love?
Bad things will happen, but that doesn't mean that every moment of the day God is waiting for the perfect opportunity to put me in my place. That is not love. And God is love.

Yielding and Heeding

Sometimes I take my time making the big decisions and that can be good and bad, depending on the situations. And then there are times I plow full speed ahead without pausing and end up doing and saying things I shouldn't. I have the hardest time waiting for things to happen, especially when i think i can control the outcome. What usually happens is I try too hard, or say something I shouldn't. But typically, I do it all wrong and I have to intercede to the Lord for some damage control. They don't even have to be "bad" things i do, not sins, but just the way I want to make things happen, not yielding and definitely not heeding. I'm not sure how many verses there are in the Bible that say, 'wait on the Lord', but i know that there are more than one, so that probably means waiting is imperative. I do not believe that the Lord wants us to wait on him for every little thing. Sometimes I feel like Christians fall into this trap that every single decision has to be run by the Lord for a yes or no. Dear Lord, should I wear black or white socks today? Does God care about your socks? Probably not, in all honesty I'm sure there are many little decisions we make everyday in our life that God doesn't give one iota about. I believe that is called free will. But I do think there are things God does care about, like the things we do that affect our relationship with Him and with others. What does God say is the most important highest calling? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. Simple, yet so not easy to follow. Truthfully, I kinda love myself sometimes way more than i love God or others. And even my "best" intentions of "loving" my neighbor have my own personal agenda stamped all over them. I don't know exactly what i am trying to say, except that i think there are moments i need to yield and think, "do i really need to say or do this?" And then maybe I need to heed the the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit telling me, just chill for a bit. It would probably save me a lot of grief down the road and a lot less damage control pleading.

Are We Known?

There is a book called “Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?” by John Powell. And here is a quote that stands out:
“But…if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all that I have.”
So I have been thinking about that. How real are we? Will anyone like me if I am me being me? Isn't that truly one of our biggest fears? Wanting to be liked\loved for who we are, but what if what we are isn't likeable? We want to be completely known, but then again do we? The band Waterdeep has lyrics that say, "I don’t think I’ve ever wanted as much To be free as I’ve longed to be known. And of the things that I hate As I look at my life, The worst is my being alone.”
Here lies the conundrum: To truly be known by someone else is a scary process... but if we aren't known, is it more scary to be alone? Hmmm.... Well hopefully I am as real as I can be even if it's scary... because who knows, maybe me being real is just what someone else needs.

Crux of the Matter

"You can in no manner be satisfied with temporal goods, for you were not created to find your rest in them." ~ Thomas à Kempis


"Our work here is brief but its reward is eternal. Do not be disturbed by the clamor of the world, which passes away like a shadow." ~Clare of Assisi

Sometimes I wish I realized these simple things a long time ago. But they really aren't so simple are they? I love the temporal, i lust for the things of the earth. I want, I need, I find comfort in what i can grasp. The fact of the matter is, is that i spend way too much time not just in the world, but of the world. I often lack the faith to believe that someday there will be an eternity waiting for me that is better than this earth. But then again, I often loathe this life. The sadness, sorrow, pain, death, hurt, and all the other evils. Sometimes when i talk with God, I say, Why do you play so many cruel jokes? As if there is the proverbial carrot dangling in front of my face, almost mine, but always just out of my grasp. I live with disappointment, my heart has been broken one too many times and I sometimes don't have a lot of hope. And yet, I still go back for more. Why? because i love the things of the earth.
We are called to "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen" but how do you do that? Faith? Trust? But i like what i see! I like things, and I take comfort in human relationships that may or may not fulfill me.
But is it enough? No. That is the crux of the matter. The things of this earth are never enough, never quite fulfilling. I get my fix, but i am never full.
The beauty of this mess is that the Lord is still faithful to me, when i am not always faithful to him. His mercies really are new every morning. His love endures forever.
I don't know if I will ever reach a place in my life where i will be completely selfless, with no agendas of my own? I wish i knew for certain that everyday I would bear the fruit of the spirit, only say and do kind deeds for others, love wholeheartedly with no reservations. But reality is there will be times when I will want more than i am ready to give and all the pretty little things that entice me will continue to do just that... entice. And I will fail at times... but Thankfully(!) God will never fail me.

give it a go

A year ago, a new friend sent me this quote, "There's nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon." ~Dwight Schrute.

And at the time, I thought it was very apropos to what was taking place in my life. Everything really was on my horizon. I just don't always realize it. I'm not sure what direction I want this blog to take. I do know that it will be an outlet to write more in depth about life and faith and possibly give my theological musings a shot. I don't want to preach or teach, I just want to share some things from my heart and a few things tucked in my soul. So there really is nothing on my horizon, except everything. everything is on my horizon...