Yielding and Heeding

Sometimes I take my time making the big decisions and that can be good and bad, depending on the situations. And then there are times I plow full speed ahead without pausing and end up doing and saying things I shouldn't. I have the hardest time waiting for things to happen, especially when i think i can control the outcome. What usually happens is I try too hard, or say something I shouldn't. But typically, I do it all wrong and I have to intercede to the Lord for some damage control. They don't even have to be "bad" things i do, not sins, but just the way I want to make things happen, not yielding and definitely not heeding. I'm not sure how many verses there are in the Bible that say, 'wait on the Lord', but i know that there are more than one, so that probably means waiting is imperative. I do not believe that the Lord wants us to wait on him for every little thing. Sometimes I feel like Christians fall into this trap that every single decision has to be run by the Lord for a yes or no. Dear Lord, should I wear black or white socks today? Does God care about your socks? Probably not, in all honesty I'm sure there are many little decisions we make everyday in our life that God doesn't give one iota about. I believe that is called free will. But I do think there are things God does care about, like the things we do that affect our relationship with Him and with others. What does God say is the most important highest calling? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. Simple, yet so not easy to follow. Truthfully, I kinda love myself sometimes way more than i love God or others. And even my "best" intentions of "loving" my neighbor have my own personal agenda stamped all over them. I don't know exactly what i am trying to say, except that i think there are moments i need to yield and think, "do i really need to say or do this?" And then maybe I need to heed the the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit telling me, just chill for a bit. It would probably save me a lot of grief down the road and a lot less damage control pleading.

Are We Known?

There is a book called “Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?” by John Powell. And here is a quote that stands out:
“But…if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all that I have.”
So I have been thinking about that. How real are we? Will anyone like me if I am me being me? Isn't that truly one of our biggest fears? Wanting to be liked\loved for who we are, but what if what we are isn't likeable? We want to be completely known, but then again do we? The band Waterdeep has lyrics that say, "I don’t think I’ve ever wanted as much To be free as I’ve longed to be known. And of the things that I hate As I look at my life, The worst is my being alone.”
Here lies the conundrum: To truly be known by someone else is a scary process... but if we aren't known, is it more scary to be alone? Hmmm.... Well hopefully I am as real as I can be even if it's scary... because who knows, maybe me being real is just what someone else needs.

Crux of the Matter

"You can in no manner be satisfied with temporal goods, for you were not created to find your rest in them." ~ Thomas à Kempis


"Our work here is brief but its reward is eternal. Do not be disturbed by the clamor of the world, which passes away like a shadow." ~Clare of Assisi

Sometimes I wish I realized these simple things a long time ago. But they really aren't so simple are they? I love the temporal, i lust for the things of the earth. I want, I need, I find comfort in what i can grasp. The fact of the matter is, is that i spend way too much time not just in the world, but of the world. I often lack the faith to believe that someday there will be an eternity waiting for me that is better than this earth. But then again, I often loathe this life. The sadness, sorrow, pain, death, hurt, and all the other evils. Sometimes when i talk with God, I say, Why do you play so many cruel jokes? As if there is the proverbial carrot dangling in front of my face, almost mine, but always just out of my grasp. I live with disappointment, my heart has been broken one too many times and I sometimes don't have a lot of hope. And yet, I still go back for more. Why? because i love the things of the earth.
We are called to "fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen" but how do you do that? Faith? Trust? But i like what i see! I like things, and I take comfort in human relationships that may or may not fulfill me.
But is it enough? No. That is the crux of the matter. The things of this earth are never enough, never quite fulfilling. I get my fix, but i am never full.
The beauty of this mess is that the Lord is still faithful to me, when i am not always faithful to him. His mercies really are new every morning. His love endures forever.
I don't know if I will ever reach a place in my life where i will be completely selfless, with no agendas of my own? I wish i knew for certain that everyday I would bear the fruit of the spirit, only say and do kind deeds for others, love wholeheartedly with no reservations. But reality is there will be times when I will want more than i am ready to give and all the pretty little things that entice me will continue to do just that... entice. And I will fail at times... but Thankfully(!) God will never fail me.

give it a go

A year ago, a new friend sent me this quote, "There's nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon." ~Dwight Schrute.

And at the time, I thought it was very apropos to what was taking place in my life. Everything really was on my horizon. I just don't always realize it. I'm not sure what direction I want this blog to take. I do know that it will be an outlet to write more in depth about life and faith and possibly give my theological musings a shot. I don't want to preach or teach, I just want to share some things from my heart and a few things tucked in my soul. So there really is nothing on my horizon, except everything. everything is on my horizon...