Remember Surrender

There is a Sara Groves song called Remember Surrender:

"Remember surrender Remember relief

Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks

As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in."
I have lived in that moment of surrender and I have promised to remember it, but I forget it too. When there is happiness and joy, the moments that were bad slip away. Which is a good thing... But its good to look back and remember. Remember the pain of deep heartbreak, then being pummeled like a wave crashing down on me with fear and sadness. I want to forget, but I also think it's good to remember too. I don't think God wants us to live in our past, but I don't think he wants us to forget those moments of his care, provision and healing.
Haggai 2:15-19
15 " 'Now give careful thought to this from this day on —consider how things were before one stone was laid on another in the LORD's temple. 16 When anyone came to a heap of twenty measures, there were only ten. When anyone went to a wine vat to draw fifty measures, there were only twenty. 17 I struck all the work of your hands with blight, mildew and hail, yet you did not turn to me,' declares the LORD. 18 'From this day on, from this twenty-fourth day of the ninth month, give careful thought to the day when the foundation of the LORD's temple was laid. Give careful thought: 19 Is there yet any seed left in the barn? Until now, the vine and the fig tree, the pomegranate and the olive tree have not borne fruit.
" 'From this day on I will bless you.' "

This is a remembrance, remember when things really sucked, remember how horrible life was, how painful every breath was, remember how you went for this much and only got that much. Then God says, from this point on, I am going to bless you. You remember those painful moments, you remember when I came through. You keep going on, and remember how I brought you through before and therefore I am going to bless you by bringing you through again and again. Even if it gets really bad, even if it rains pain over your head again, you remember, remember surrender, don't forget... and I will still be there. Jehovah-Shammah.

The Proverbial Anvil

You know that one cartoon with the coyote and the road runner? And right when things are going well for the coyote a big anvil falls on his head... I often feel that way, especially when things are going well. Typically when things are going horribly wrong in life, I'm "in it" and so bad things are apart of everyday life, you learn to deal. But what happens when things are actually going right for a change? Sometimes I feel like God is up there, just letting me get a taste of something good, but then he is going to drop a bomb on me. Where do i get that thinking? I try to believe that I worship a God who is loving and compassionate and although just, he is also full of mercy. So where do i get this idea that he is just waiting to do mean and horrible things to me? Unfortunately, I have been stuck in this kind of thinking for awhile. I do know that sometimes bad things happen, sometimes they even happen to people who are good. Sometimes bad things happen, just because and sometimes bad things happen to serve a purpose. But who says that God is a cruel tyrant just waiting to crush his next victim? I don't know that I've ever read that in the Bible, but yet that is often what I believe. It almost makes me feel better when something does go wrong, that way i can say, ok, bad thing #42 happened, cross that off my list, no more punishments for the day. Why do i always think I'm about to be punished for something? Or is it the natural consequences for making bad choices that one feels a punishment is in order? Good grief, its all so mind boggling.
I really do relish the moments when i can sit back and say, God, I know you love me. Period. No rationalizing, no trying to figure it all out, or make sense of it. Just plain ol' I accept your love in this moment.
I wonder if I will ever really reach a place when i can live my life not in fear of God's wrath but complete in his love?
Bad things will happen, but that doesn't mean that every moment of the day God is waiting for the perfect opportunity to put me in my place. That is not love. And God is love.